When the lights go out, the fear sets in.
I envy my husband, who most nights sleeps so soundly. I’ve always been a light sleeper. Every creak, bump or drip disturbs. These days, a lot of that gets blocked out with earplugs.
What I can’t block out in the noise in my mind.
Anxiety is always worse at night, when I don’t have anything with which to distract myself. All the dark, ugly and irrational worries rise to the front. Yes, irrational. You do know that most worry is irrational, right? Most of the things we stress about never happen or, if they do happen, they’re not nearly the big deal that we think they’re going to be.
The Lord knows that my greatest weakness is in the realm of fear, and He has been so faithful to give me strength and perspective. Unfortunately, the Devil also knows that my greatest weakness is in the realm of fear, and he has been faithful to do everything he can to push the panic button. Or, rather, to bite and pick at me when the panic button has already been pushed, as is the case with those of us who suffer from chemical imbalances.
So often in my past, I crumbled. I gave in to the fear. I listened to the lies.
Last night, I fought back, and I fought back using the only weapon at my disposal: Scripture. For every ker-whonk of the chemicals, for every lie, for every bad scenario I dreamed up, I spoke this (well, whispered. Chris was sleeping after all. Although I probably could have spoken aloud and he wouldn’t have heard a thing):
Psalm 23 (NKJV, italics mine)
The Lord is my shepherd.
God, the Infinite Lord, the Creator, the Holy and Righteous One, is my Daddy. I’m His kid.
I shall not want.
He’s going to give me everything I need, and even many things I want, when the time is right. He’ll not leave me twisting in the wind.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures.
He is there, watching over me. I can rest.
He leads me beside the still waters.
He takes me to places of peace, even in the midst of storms. He sustains me with pure, refreshing, life-giving, never-ending water.
He restores my soul.
Oh, all the broken places He has knit together!
He leads me in the paths of righteousness.
He keeps me between the ditches. He keeps me from falling.
For His name’s sake.
For His glory and my good.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
The darkness will come. Hard times will come. Pain is real. Yet I am never alone.
I will fear no evil.
You hear that, stupid Satan?
For You are with me.
GOD IS WITH ME!
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Your rod draws me back when I stray. Your staff prods me to keep moving. You have a plan, and that gives me strength.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
I eat a big ‘ol feast, full of yumminess, and there’s NOTHING you can do, idiot Devil. God blesses me because He loves me. You just have to watch because you’re lame.
You anoint my head with oil.
I am a princess and a priestess, serving at the altar of the Holy and True God.
My cup runs over.
I’m too full to hold it back.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me.
God leaves a trail of brightness wherever He goes.
All the days of my life.
Every day, no matter how difficult, contains a blessing, a smile from the Lord upon my life.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord.
Now, and into eternity.
Then I rolled over onto my stomach and slept, content and cradled close to my Father’s heart.
I don’t know what you’re dealing with today. I don’t know what your weak points are. I do know that there is power in the Truth. Seek it out today. Ask God to bring to your memory pieces of Scripture for your situation. Even the “old standby,” John 3:16, is packed with power. Speak out that truth, dear friend, and think about how it applies to you, how it plays out in your life. Speak that out, too. Keep going until the sense of fear, rejection, failure, disappointment, whatever has passed. Dunk your mind into the richness of His word.
That’s the only way to win this battle today, because the Enemy can’t stand against the Truth of God. No amount of self-help or positive thinking will do it, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Our weapon is the Word, both the Eternal Son and what the unity of the Godhead has to say. Stand on the Truth and fight with it!
To read all the posts in The Detox Diaries series, go here.