Gentle Reader,
They stink and everyone has one.
All me to elaborate.
There is a conversation happening. This conversation centers on this question: If a woman is alone in the woods, would she rather encounter a bear or a man she’s never met? A lot of women (not all) are saying that they would rather encounter the bear. Some men are saying that they would rather their wives, daughters, friends, etc. to encounter the bear, and would even rather encounter the bear themselves. You can read more about this here.
The absolute rage that some are displaying over this – well, it’s interesting. That’s the nicest word I have for it.
We have before us an exercise in willfully missing the point. Again, I’ll elaborate. I would rather encounter a bear if I was alone in the woods. I am aware that a bear may very well kill me. I get it. But that’s all a bear will do, and the bear wouldn’t kill me because the bear thinks I deserve it or it’s fine because I’m of less value to the world than the bear or because the bear wants to show me who’s boss or because the bear wants to get its sexual jollies off.
Do I think all men are predators? Absolutely not. I’m glad to know many wonderful men. And some of those very men – namely, my father – taught me to mindful of my surroundings. To not accept a ride from a stranger. To never walk out to my car alone when it’s dark out. To drive to a police station instead of going home if I’m being followed (which I’ve had to do more than once). Because, you see, I have no way of knowing if a man who is a stranger to me is safe or not. Trust is earned, not automatically granted.
Beyond this, theologically speaking it makes no sense to tell women, “Psh, you’re always safe with all men.” If that’s true, then men are innately good or spotless or however you want to put that. And you’ve got to, you know, ignore the whole of Scripture and all of history and all of the work of theology and everything you’ve ever experienced in order to think that. Either sin is real and impacts everyone and everything or it doesn’t.
It’s not about the bear, folks. It’s not about individual men. This is about women expressing our unease in navigating a world in which we are taught to fear men both by what we see on the news, and in what we ourselves experience, and in what our friends and family members experience, and in hearing that “boys will be boys/it’s just talk/men can’t help themselves/what were you wearing?/what were you doing there?”
Men, by the power of the Holy Spirit within and all around you, you have the ability to develop and nurture self-control. If you’re one of the men who’s committed to that, I am grateful for you. Call out the ones who aren’t. Hold them accountable. Because I can tell you this for sure: They don’t listen to us. “No” does not mean “no” to a man who is determined to ignore it.
Those of you who are angry, I suggest you logoff, go put your feet in the grass, and really think about that. Really ponder why it’s so difficult for you to access the empathy muscle, to put yourselves in another’s shoes. Why are you automatically offended when a women shares her experience or perspective? Why do you need to quickly and vehemently dismiss her?
I don’t even know how to end this. I lament our unchecked biases, our inability to listen, our refusal to sit in discomfort. Lord, have mercy on us. Help us to be and to do better.
GRACE AND PEACE ALONG THE WAY,
MARIE
Image Courtesy of Zdeněk Macháček