Sometimes, I mentally check out of life a little bit. Been a rough two weeks, physically-speaking, thanks to unstable weather patterns. Some tough days with anxiety and the really irritating thing that my brain does in getting fixated on a topic, which means I must learn everything I can about it, to the exclusion of all else. (I genuinely hate that. People with OCD know that our obsessions and compulsions are irrational and impact us negatively). My house has been a wreck and will continue to be in various stages of disaster for probably forever because once you start replacing the flooring, it’s the domino effect.
But, anyway. Climbing out of the hole.
Kate says: regret.
If you say you have no regrets, then you’re probably lying.
Almost fourteen years ago I had the chance to attend a prestigious university. The credits I had accumulated at our local community college would have transferred easily. There was a scholarship on the table. The university is close enough to home that I could have commuted, thus avoiding dorm life. (I would have been a terrible roommate). My application had been accepted. I had a great meeting with the Dean of Admissions.
I didn’t go.
I was afraid. To make the drive. (Yes, I hate driving that much). To leave behind the environment I knew so well. Of failing. Also, of succeeding.
But nobody can live in the regret.
If I had attended this university, I might not have met my husband. I might not have figured out that I didn’t want to pursue a career in journalism. I might have ended up somewhere else entirely, a different person. And while none of that may have been bad, it may not have been good, either. I might not have been happy. I might not have developed in my relationship with God, which is the truest treasure of my life.
Now, today, is all we have. It’s pointless to ponder “what might have been.” Pointless to dwell in the past or to attempt to predict the future. Yes, we all have regrets, but we all also have the ability to look to Heaven and say, “Lord, teach me to see the beauty in this moment. What do You have for me right now?”
Acknowledge the regret and feel the pain, but don’t let that keep you from moving forward.