Along with many others, I’m shamelessly ripping off this bit from The Tonight Show. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, they say. Please do play the music as you read.
Thank you, elastic that feels like steel, for never staying in place. Thank you for riding up or down at the most inopportune moments. Thank you for making it impossible for me to breathe. Thank you for somehow convincing me that it will be different this time. That our relationship will be better. That you will deliver on all of your many wondrous promises.
Thank you, cheap shapewear, for tearing after one outing.
Thank you, expensive shapewear, for doing the exact same thing.
Thank you, society, for telling me that I should have the double d’s and the 18-inch waist. At the same time. So I buy the shapewear. And can’t bend over. And certain assets are busting out all over the place.
Thank you, people who advertise shapewear, for making it look like this wonderful and natural thing instead of the exercise in not going postal in public that it really is.
But, dang, I look good in that dress.
For about four minutes.
If I don’t move.
For all entries in the 31 Days for the Ladies series, go here.