Five Minute (I Can’t Seem to Do This On) Friday: Hold

 

{ image source }

Gentle Reader,

Timer’s set. Kate’s hosting. We: hold.

Go.

Hold me Jesus, ’cause I’m shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won’t You be my Prince of Peace? – Rich Mullins

The closer I get to the appointment with the liver specialist, the more scared I get. There’s no way for me to anticipate what’s going to happen when I’m in that examination room, rustling the paper on the squeaking, sticky plastic mattress. I don’t know how long I’ll be in there. I don’t know what he’ll say to me. I don’t know what kind of tests he’ll order.

I don’t know where all of this is going to lead.

That’s frightening.

What I wish I could somehow explain is that my faith is not any less because my fears increase. Chris and I talked about this the other day, and I told him that, sometimes, faith looks like a grim, gritted-teeth determination. There isn’t any attached emotion. Sometimes faith gets boiled down to the bottom line of commitment. It doesn’t feel nice or wonderful. Yet neither does it quit.

I won’t quit.

But I will beg Jesus to hold me, to calm my soul. And I’ll ask Him to enable me to hold on.

Stop.

My journey to faith. (15)

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Five Minute (I Can’t Seem to Do This On) Friday: Hold

  1. (Stopping by from Five Minute (only sometimes if I’m incredibly lucky) Friday)

    I’ve been where you are, facing endless tests and a scary diagnosis and actually wrote a piece about the seemingly conflicting struggle between faith and feelings on my blog too. It’s hard to describe, but in that moment when you admit “God I’m scared or hurt or angry and I need you, your faith will be there to catch you. It will grow faster and farther than ever before.” I don’t know what you’re facing, but you’ll be in my prayers. I’ll be praying for peace and comfort for you to know that whatever the future holds, God has you in the palm of his capable hands and won’t let you go. Blessings…

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s