Sometimes you just eat a piece of your coworker’s leftover wedding cake, the kind of chocolate cake that Costco makes. You don’t think about the calories or the ingredients. You just slice into the deliciousness with the side of your fork, inhale the aroma of every single cocoa bean that went into it and put the glorious bite into your mouth.
And you eat it for dinner.
This day sucks. That cake? Literally the only thing I ate today that didn’t make me gag. The breakfast bake I made with eggs and spinach? Ingested only for survival purposes. The banana in my lunch? Nope, wasn’t able to finish that. The PB&J that sounded so good last night when Chris made my lunch for me went untouched. Took about an hour and a half to nibble my way through a small handful of crackers.
But that’s not the worst part.
Today I had to step aside from working with my church’s children’s ministry. It was the right thing to do. I need to allow myself more time to detox and rest. But I love those kids. I want them to know and love the Lord. I want to be part of that.
This touches a very sore place. I have not been much of a success at serving in formal church ministries. And even though I know that God has good plans for me and that I have a role to play, despite this illness, the feeling of failure and out-of-placeness screams pretty loudly right now. I hold to the fact that I must operate out of what I know and not what I feel, but it isn’t easy.
Jesus can come back right now.
To read all the posts in The Detox Diaries series, go here.