Prophet, Priest, King

Along the Way @ (2) Gentle Reader,

Studying fundamentalist ideology can leave one with a sour taste in her mouth.

A very sour taste.

I was not raised in a fundamentalist home. I wore pants, played sports, went to public school, read books. listened to music, had boyfriends and asked questions. A lot of questions. I probably drove my parents and teachers up the proverbial wall.

Now, as an adult, I’m still not a fundamentalist. The more I study the Bible and the longer I walk with Jesus, the more convinced I become that God never asks us to turn off our minds. He does not desire us to be simpletons. He does not ask us to turn lumps in the ground into mountains and then die on them. These things – anti-intellectualism and harsh stances on small issues – are often the unfortunate destinations when traveling the fundamentalist road.

Another is the sloppy interpretation and misapplication of God’s word.

I’ve come across several articles recently that take titles belonging to Christ – prophet, priest and king – and transfer them to husbands. (I won’t link to any – save one – of the articles here because this is a definite instance of not wanting to drive traffic to the sites. You can locate them via a simple Google search).

I have a problem with that.

A real problem.

This piece has been under my skin for days. I realize that the author makes it a point to quote Paul’s admonition that husband’s are love their wives as Christ loved the church (sacrificially, even to the point of death; Ephesians 5:25) and I’ll give him credit for that. Still there are problems:

It has been widely accepted that Christ’s activity on behalf of the church can be summarized in these three functional titles: Prophet, Priest and King. A brief look at each will give us keen insight into our role as husbands.

Christ as Prophet: A prophet is someone who brings forth the Word of God to mankind. He is responsible for accurately discerning what God is saying and communicating that to others. Christ performed this prophetic role perfectly in two ways. First, He accurately spoke and taught the Word and words of God to others. Second, He was the actual expression of God and the Word made flesh.

The Husband as Prophet: We have the amazing privilege of bringing forth the Word of God to our wives. While this might involve some actual Bible-teaching time, we need to see the various other forms this should take. We can proclaim His Word and His will as we counsel our wives, as we make family decisions and as we plan for our family’s future. The common ingredient in all of its forms is God’s Word. Without the Word of God, a prophet has nothing to say; his words are empty and meaningless.

In addition to bringing forth the Word in our actions, we too must personify the Word made flesh in us. We must model the truth we are teaching. We must personify what we desire our wives and our marriages to become. Without personally living the truth we proclaim, we can expect no higher praise from Christ than the Pharisees received. (Matthew 23:2-4)

Christ as Priest: A priest is an intercessor: someone who seeks God on behalf of someone else. As Priest, Jesus is constantly seeking God on our behalf. Through Him, we are made holy, righteous, and acceptable to God. Yet, this Priest is different from all others in that He did not sacrifice a lamb, dove, or bull. This Priest sacrificed Himself on our behalf.

The Husband as Priest: As we love our wives, we must serve as priest. Our wives and marriages need prayer. We have the privilege and duty of petitioning God on their behalf. We should pray for their purity, their protection, their joy, their faith, and their burdens. We should pray for their success as a wife, as a mother, and as a woman of God.

We must again follow Christ’s example and allow our priestly sacrifice to be our very selves. Hebrews 12 tells us that Jesus looked past His own sacrifice to the joy that would occur on the other side. With that in mind, look at all that your wife could become. Consider what God might want to do with her, in her, and through her. And, for that joy set before you, willingly endure when you are called to sacrifice yourself. In so doing, you will love your wife as Christ loves His church.

Christ as King: A king is someone who is supreme or preeminent. As our King, Christ deserves our honor, our praise, our obedience, and our servitude. He is in charge … the undisputed leader of the church. Paul speaks many times of Jesus as the head of the church. Yet, while this King rules and reigns, He also serves and ministers to His people. His rule is peculiar in that He models leadership by serving. He says that the greatest among His people will be those who serve. He also is an accessible King. In many courts throughout history, subjects were never permitted to be in the presence of their king. King Jesus invites us in; He leaves open the door to His throne room.

The Husband as King: Ephesians 5:23 makes it clear; the husband is the head of the wife. In essence, kingship undeniably belongs to the husband. As we embrace that, we as husbands must lead. We must lead clearly and boldly. We must be out there on the edge looking to the provision and the protection of our kingdom. To do less is to fall short of our calling to headship. The privilege is ours to rule our home.

However, we are not called simply to take our crowns and dominate our wives. We must rule as Christ rules … with humility. He modeled precisely how He wants us to love our wives. As our King, Christ knelt and washed the feet of His disciples. We must follow His example and serve. Lead boldly, yet serve. Never let the brawn of your leadership outweigh the sacrifice of your leadership. Christ kept them in perfect balance; that is our calling as well.

There’s a lot wrong here.

I make no secret of the fact that I’m not a complementarian. While I do believe that men and women complement each other, I do not believe that there are strictly defined gender roles. I don’t believe that men have one set of gifts and callings while women have another (all of 1 Corinthians 12, but especially verse 11; there is no mention here that the Spirit gives “x” only to men and “y” only to women). I don’t believe that women have to stay home and wait for the men to bring home the bacon.

Neither to I deny the innerrancy and sufficiency of Scripture, so I know and accept what it says about the marital relationship. A lot of people like to skip over the whole “submit to one another” part of Ephesians 5, though (vs. 21). They gloss over the fact that a man who loves his wife sacrificially will do all he can to support her, and she in turn will have no trouble supporting and respecting him.

A lot of people read a whole lot of stuff into that passage. (And 1 Peter 3). They miss the mutuality of marriage. They forget that the two become one (Genesis 2:24).

Neither Paul nor Peter equate the husband with Christ. They never grant him an authority or position on par with Christ. None of the inspired authors of any book of the Bible ever say that a husband functions as a prophet, priest or a king for his wife.

The only way to draw such a conclusion is to read a preconceived notion of “headship” into the passages. Within this system, the Ephesians 5 verses are interpreted with the understanding that “head” means “authority.” However, the Greek kephale is not used to connote authority. It means “source” or “origin.” Consider:

1 Corinthians 11:3: “the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”

Once again, Paul is dealing not with creational hierarchies but with creational sources. As we already saw, if this passage taught hierarchies it would teach the eternal subordination of the Son to the Father, which was a central teaching of the Arian heresy. Thus, God being the head of Christ must refer to Christ’s source as the eternally begotten Son. And since all three pairings are compared and parallel, the other two cannot mean “authority” either. In the Greek there are not two separate words for “man/husband” and “woman/wife.” The same word is used for both English terms. Thus, the best rendering is not “husband” and “wife” here, but “the man” and “the woman.” Adam and Eve. Paul’s point in this verse is that the “source” of Adam was Christ since Christ made all things and Adam was made in the Image of Christ. And Adam is the “source” of Eve since she was drawn from his side. – Against Patriarchy, Part 6: Concerning Headship

But what about Eden? What about life before the Fall? Didn’t God set up a hierarchy? No:

Using basic principles of interpretation, one comes up with a very simple explanation of the consequence of God’s curse on Adam and Eve – a consequence that has infiltrated every home since the beginning of time. Simply put, the woman will desire to dominate or control the man, but the man, perhaps even with superior strength, will fight hard to rule over and dominate the woman. Where the curse is present there is a constant battle for control. This is how things are because of sin, not how things in the home ought to be. – God Calls Patriarchial Headship a Sinful Desire

The struggle in marriage isn’t because wives just need to put up (and out) and shut up. It’s because men and women both have a sinful desire to control and dominate. Neither was ever meant to be in authority over the other.

This teaching that men are somehow prophets, priests and kings in marriage strays dangerously close to Mormon ideas about the role of men. (I don’t have time to get into this right now, but please do some digging of your own). It also strays dangerously close to the Catholic idea of an alter Christus, or “another Christ.” Further, this teaching conveniently forgets that women are part of the “chosen generation, the royal priesthood” (1 Peter 2:9). It is a direct appeal to the male ego. Sadly, it sets women up for abuse. (I do not claim that every marriage within a fundamentalist framework is abusive. I’m simply saying that it’s not a long leap from the ideas to the abuse).

I love my husband. I love him dearly. I respect him. But there is no way, no how, he is my prophet, priest or king. Those are functions and offices specifically and clearly filled by Christ. I cannot subscribe to any system that promotes, even unknowingly, the usurpation of His rightly exalted position.

My journey to faith. (15)

Sex and the Christian Family

What are you telling them- (8)

Gentle Reader,

Reality TV star Josh Duggar’s admitting to molesting five underage girls (he was also underage at the time), four of whom were his own sisters, has set the internet on fire. According to the police report, Duggar and his parents were questioned about the incidents, though charges were never filed. The family claims that he and his victims all received counseling, though what form this took is questionable at best as no professional therapists or pastors with counseling training appear to have been involved in the process.

I’m not about to launch into a tirade against the Duggar family. Clearly they have enough problems without every blogger in the land picking up a pitchfork and a torch. I think it’s good that TLC has pulled 19 Kids and Counting from the schedule. This family needs to get out of the spotlight. Maybe they really have addressed and dealt with Josh’s issues and his sister’s suffering. Maybe they haven’t. Either way, continued exposure not only looks bad (like they’re trying to either ignore or use the controversy) but I believe it would actually be bad for them. Let the kids be kids, away from the cameras and the microphones. Let the adults and teenagers get whatever help they might need. I hope and pray they do.

The whole thing has me shaking my head at the continued mishandling of sex in the Christian community. Certainly Duggar may have molested those five girls even if his parents had been raging liberals. Abuse happens in all kinds of families. However, the Duggars have made their views on dating, marriage and sex very clear, and those views are held to a certain degree by both fundamentalists and so-called “mainstream” conservative Christians.

The way we express those views? It’s not working.

The Bible is clear. Marriage between one man and one woman is the only legitimate context for sex. I don’t deny that at all. I just don’t think the conversation can stop there. The Bible also speaks of men and women falling in love. An entire book celebrates the physical expression of love in sex (Song of Solomon). Prostitutes are redeemed, Jesus saves an adulteress from stoning, Paul enjoys the single life. There’s more to sex in the Bible than “just don’t.”

We’re falling down on the job in a major way. We tell people “don’t, don’t, don’t” and they “do, do, do,” sometimes with awful and twisted consequences. Parents are on the front lines here. They are the ones teaching the next generation. They need to move beyond “don’t.” Now, someone out there is going to say, “You’re not a parent, so what do you know?” I know enough. I know plenty of people who have been abused. I know people who maintained every shred of their purity before marriage and I know people, myself included, who didn’t. I know that kids have questions and we need to get better at answering them, in age-appropriate ways.

In no particular order:

Move beyond “don’t” and into “why.” It’s not enough to tell anyone not to do something without explaining why. God Himself doesn’t even do that. He either spells it out clearly or reveals the reasons through events. So it must be in our conversations about sex. Kids need to know why saving sex for marriage is the right thing to do, especially as they get into those years of raging hormones. They need to know about more than STDs and abortion. They need to know about emotional attachments, spiritual dulling and baggage. They need to know about long-term consequences.

Kids need to be told that they are normal. It’s normal to be curious about the body, both your own and others. It’s normal, as we age, to develop crushes and have desires. There is no shame in that. God designed us this way.

Boundaries. In telling kids that they are normal, the importance of boundaries must be emphasized. They need to know that their curiosity doesn’t give them license to do whatever they want. They also need to know that their “no” means something and it’s not right for their “no” to be ignored.

– An explanation of boundaries must begin at an early age. Kids need to be told that it is NEVER okay for anyone to touch them anywhere in any way that they don’t like, and certainly never okay for anyone to touch their intimate places. They need to know that they should and can IMMEDIATELY tell their parents or other trusted adults if something inappropriate has happened.

– If your kid comes to you and tells you that she has been violated, you need to take action. Not tomorrow. Not later. NOW. If you don’t, you communicate to him devastating things: You don’t believe what he says. You don’t value her. You think that it’s fine for him to be abused.

– If the perpetrator is your own kid, he or she needs to receive immediate help. (He/she should also be removed from the house if he/she is abusing the other child/ren). You cannot deal with this on your own. You need the services of a professional therapist or a pastor with extensive counseling training.

– Boundaries within dating should be discussed. I don’t believe that God frowns when a kiss or a hug is exchanged, but those kisses and hugs can escalate quickly. What safeguards will dating children have in place? The point is not to be legalistic, but to develop a realistic standard based on God’s word and the maturity of the child.

Teach them the correct words. Vagina. Penis. Breasts. Testicles. Uterus. Ovaries. Orgasm. And my computer isn’t bursting into flames!

Responsibility. This is one area in which I think we fail most consistently, in several ways:

– Kids need to be told, in no uncertain terms, that it is NOT their fault if someone chooses to abuse them. All the blame must be placed squarely on the shoulders of the perpetrator.

– Young ladies need to be told that they are not responsible for the actions of men. I do believe that women should dress with both modesty and attractiveness, understanding that they are beautiful, intricately designed daughters of the King. We should dress in a way that honors the Lord by honoring our bodies, not putting them on display for any and all to see. But even the loosest turtleneck made of the heaviest fabric will not keep a man from lusting if he has a mind to do so, and this is not the fault of any woman.

– Young men need to be told that Jesus never advocated lust management or blame-shifting. Marriage was not meant to be simply an outlet for a man’s sexual desire. It is not fine for a man to indulge his lust with his wife. Sex is meant to be an expression of love and an avenue for deepest connection. If a man struggles with lust, he must recognize that as his struggle. His struggle is not made easier by the availability and increasing mainstream acceptance of pornography, nor is it made easier by a woman’s lack of understanding her own dignity in the way she dresses. Nevertheless, his struggle is not to be blamed on any woman. His choices and thoughts are his own.

The conversation must be on-going. Too many parents stop at an explanation of how babies are made. That’s not enough. Kids need to know that they can come to their parents with any questions, any confusion. They need to know that their parents are safe and won’t drag them over the coals.

Your story. Kids need to know how and why you struggled. They need to know why you feel so strongly about this. They need to know when you failed and when you succeeded. They need to know your regrets and what you’re thankful for.

Jesus. From the earliest age, like within the womb, kids need to hear about Jesus. They need to be told about God. They need to hear how wonderful and awesome and holy and perfect and loving He is. They need to know that they can talk to Him about anything. That they can pour their hearts out. They need to be told, in clear and simple terms, about sin and the cross and the Resurrection. They need to know how important it is that they ask Him for forgiveness and ask Him to be the Lord of their lives.

Grace. It must be explained, emphasized and given. Because even the best Bible study, the most comprehensive conversation, the best explanations as to “why,” the most authentic sharing of story cannot keep people from making stupid choices. Kids are sinners, just like their parents. They need to know that stones will not be hurled at their heads. They need to know that the wonderful Jesus you’ve told them about can and will forgive them of anything they’ve done. They need to know that you’ll forgive them. They need to know that they can forgive themselves.

This is far too important an issue. We cannot keep bungling it. Kids cannot keep suffering because we’re too uncomfortable to say the word “penis” or too ashamed to tell them that we had sex before we got married. We, the adults, need to grow up and step up. We’ve got to stop wringing our hands and screaming “no!” We’ve got to stop shaming the next generation because they have the same questions, struggles, longings and desires we do.

We need to do better.

We must.

My journey to faith. (15)

May 23, 2015: After reading this post, a friend of mine pointed out that pornography isn’t just a “man’s issue” and modesty isn’t just a “woman’s issue.” She is entirely correct. Increasing numbers of women turn to pornography (though it may be labeled “erotica”). Women enjoy looking at attractive men just as much as men enjoy looking at attractive women; there’s a reason Mark Wahlberg’s Calvin Klein ad has never faded away.

So, the conversation about pornography and modesty must include both girls and boys. They all need to be taught how to present themselves in a way that honors both God and the body. And while kids should be told that it’s normal to notice and appreciate physical beauty, they must also be told to take every thought captive and battle against fantasizing.

Five Minute Friday: Meet

Messy Mondays

Gentle Reader,

It’s that time of the week. Time for the chat and the James Spader fandom and the internet friendship. Kate. The peeps. We: meet.


Chris and I started leading a home group almost exactly one month ago.

It freaks me out.

Letting people into my home on a consistent basis…talking when they’re all looking at me…trying to gather my thoughts so I can speak at all because apparently texting everything to home group members during the meeting isn’t acceptable…exercising the gift of teaching that God gave me but I often wonder why He gave to me and not to someone less nervy…


That’s genuinely hard for me. My heart starts to pound about an hour before everyone arrives. Is the house clean enough? Did I remember to fill the water pitcher? We don’t have enough seating. Is it too hot? How can I keep the conversation flowing? Why, God, why did You lead me do this?!

And then they come. We talk about our homework (we’re studying the life of David at present). We share prayer requests and praise reports. The dogs climb up on everyone’s laps. Questions are asked. Answers pondered. Laughter ripples. Even this early into the game I can see connections being made. I can see people’s understanding of Scripture and their love of God deepening.

Nobody seems to mind that the living room is small and the furniture doesn’t match.

This is a growing, a stretching thing. I’m thankful that it’s happening now and not earlier in my life. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

Maybe someday I’ll stop freaking out about it altogether.

Until then, I’m glad for the grace of God and for the grace of the Messy Mondays crew.


My journey to faith. (15)