31 Days of Brave: Done

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Gentle Reader,

God clearly orchestrates some moments in our lives, right down to the last detail, and those moments always reveal something important.

Yesterday, out of nowhere, an extremely bad attitude flared up in me. You know the kind. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be here. It’s not fair. Inwardly I was throwing a gigantic tantrum, complete with screaming and foot-stomping. Chalk it up to a long few days or the knowledge that a week’s vacation was just around the corner if you want, but it was ugly. I might as well have been sitting there with my lower lip jutted out and my arms across my chest.

That attitude vaporized a couple of hours later. I can’t give you any details, but it became very clear to me that, if I had gotten my way, I would not have noticed something that I very much needed to notice. I would not have received the check on my heart, the huge flashing stop-sign, that I desperately needed to receive.

And I would not have learned that bravery sometimes says, “I’m done.”

There are some things in life that are too twisted for color TV, as Miss Ouiser says in Steel Magnolias. There are some things that just can’t be figured out. That’s a hard thing to accept for someone like me, whose favorite question has always been, “Why?”

But sometimes you just have to let go. You just can’t pursue it anymore.

My journey to faith. (15)

  For all of the posts in the 31 Days: Brave series, go here.

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31 Days of Brave: Tune

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Gentle Reader,

God of our life,
There are days when the burdens we carry
chafe our shoulders and weigh us down;
When the road seems dreary and endless,
the skies gray and threatening;
When our lives have no music in them,
and our hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage.
Flood the path with light,
turn our eyes to where the skies are full of promise;
Tune our hearts to brave music; give us the sense
of comradeship with heroes and saints of every age;
And so quicken our spirits that we may be able
to encourage the souls of all who journey with us
on the road of life, to your honor and glory. – Augustine

 

My journey to faith. (15)

  For all of the posts in the 31 Days: Brave series, go here.

31 Days of Brave: Woman

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Gentle Reader,

I’ve come down with a head cold, thanks to the generosity of my husband. So my brain’s a bit too fuzzy to post anything substantial today. Instead, I offer you this thought from Sarah Bessey, a thought that calls women to brave living:

For the sake of the Gospel, women must speak – and teach and minister and prophesy, too. For the sake of the Gospel, a woman must be free to walk in her God-breathed self in whatever vocation and season and place of life.

My journey to faith. (15)

  For all of the posts in the 31 Days: Brave series, go here.

Unexpected Treasures

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Gentle Reader,

I didn’t get up as early as I planned today, but I did get up earlier than I usually would on my day off. My inclination is to beat myself up for that shortcoming, but I’m choosing to instead focus on the small victory. It may not have been 6:00 a.m., but it was 8:30 a.m. and that’s better than 10:00 a.m. Lifestyle changes aren’t solidified in a short four days.

The dogs and I donned our winter attire (yes, I dress my dogs in sweaters) and took a walk. Our usual loop through the neighborhood was transformed into an icy obstacle course. I laughed as I watched the fur balls try to avoid stepping in the snow. They were not pleased when I took them through a beautifully unbroken stretch of powdery stuff in one of the common areas.

I stood in that now pockmarked expanse and took a deep breath of freezing air. All was silent around me. Intricate snowflakes landed on my vest, my hair. Unbidden, a song of praise arose in my throat, spilling out at the exact moment a small group of birds began to twitter.

Arriving back at the house, I settled down to stretch and do my Bible reading for the day. Right now I’m in the book of Job, which isn’t usually looked upon as the most uplifting of stories. I was surprised to find this unexpected treasure:

Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects;

Therefore, do not despise the chastening of the Almighty.

For He bruises, but He binds up;

He wounds, but His hands make whole. – Job 5:17-18 (NKJV)

I have experienced a long season of discipline and difficult growth. Didn’t feel good at the time, but I can honestly say that I am grateful for the fact of it. God loves me enough to put me on the right road. He tenderly cares for the blisters that arise from the unaccustomed terrain. He holds my hand. He shows me lovely things.

My journey to faith. (15)