31 Days for the Ladies: Thank You, Shaving

Along with many others, I’m shamelessly ripping off this bit from The Tonight Show. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, they say. Please do play the music as you read.

Gentle Reader,

One tiny cut on your ankle and the shower floor looks like a scene out of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the one where the Black Knight insists it’s “just a flesh wound.”

Blood everywhere.

Like you should call the police and request a CSI team.

Thank you, shaving, for being the worst.

Dudes be all hairy and somehow it’s “manly” and “rugged.” They don’t even have to mess with their back hair. Back hair. But I leave my legs stubbly for a couple of days and dare to wear a pair of shorts and it’s deemed “gross.” Like hide your kids, hide your wife, the she-beast approaches.

You’re not even worth the satisfaction of a few hours of smooth skin because I have to do it all again tomorrow. Dark-haired ladies got it rough.

I loathe you.