Playing a little catch-up today. Kate asked us all to write about change last week. Linking up is better late than never!
The big change for me this summer has, of course, been coming off of Cymbalta. (You can read all about that here). I knew that it would be really difficult to battle anxiety each day without the help of that blue-and-green pill, so I hoped to be able to use St. John’s Wort to assist in balancing out those pesky brain chemicals. Then I found out that’s a tricky thing to use when you’ve got liver damage and it seemed best to avoid it altogether. (I am not at all an expect, but I’ve found that many herbal supplements and essential oils are tricky to use when liver damage is present. For example, I can no longer use valerian root to help with sleep, as it’s poisonous to an unhealthy liver. It’s best to approach this area with caution, do some research and definitely talk with your doctor).
I can watch what I eat. I can go for walks and do other exercise stuff. But that only goes so far. When I wake up in the middle of the night (and it happens every night now) and my heart is pounding and I’m sweating, there’s no snack healthy enough or trail long enough that will take the pain away.
My only answer is God.
I’m glad of that. I really am. This illness has forced me to my knees. I have nowhere else to go but to the Throne of Grace. I don’t know what awaits me at the specialist, a visit still a month away. But it doesn’t really matter. The medicine he might give me, the therapy he might try, the procedures I may undergo will not alter the fact that my only choice is God. I have nothing else.
I don’t like what got me here, but I’m inexpressibly grateful for this change.