Yesterday, my boss left. There were no hugs or heartfelt words at the end. That’s not what she wanted. Instead, she slipped each of us a little gift; something of her own so that we would remember her. As the exit door closed softly in her wake, the end of an era was signaled. For 32 years she had sat at the helm of the library district, steering each branch through change and growth.
I never heard her raise her voice. Not once. She never forgot a name and always inquired after family members. It seemed she always had a new or interesting book to share, a little-known movie to discuss or pictures of her various travels. In the nine years I worked with her, I found myself desiring to be as interesting and interested as she was.
As we pick up more details surrounding the circumstances of her abrupt retirement, it is difficult to keep silent. Things are not as they seem. She did not want to go, but constant struggles with certain employees and inappropriate, hurtful remarks made toward her in the last weeks pushed her over the edge. I hate that. I hate it when people are treated so unfairly.
And yet, it was her decision. She could have stayed. I want so much to go toe-to-toe with those who prodded her to it, but it’s not my fight.
I am stuck. My department is stuck. We will come grinding to a halt within two weeks. Someone needs to step in and do the job, and the only one qualified is being made to jump through hoops. I am frustrated, anxious, scared, angry.
This living the quiet life is a difficult thing.
For all posts in the 31 Days in the Quiet series, go here.
6 thoughts on “31 Days in the Quiet: Stuck”
Your hugs are awesome.
Hi Marie! Your post titled “Stuck” resonates with me. I have found that in the past several months God has been causing me to think a lot about grace. What grace means, what grace looks like in the everyday world. And several weeks back I found myself in a situation at work where, like you, I was faced with someone who did something I considered really wrong and hurtful (not to me personally, but to someone I highly value). And yet, I am a professional and must conduct myself in a professional manner. And so, like you, I am faced every day with trying to live a God-pleasing, grace-filled life while also feeling great indignation at what this person did. I dont’ know what the answer is, but I can tell you that sometimes I have to pray fervently that God would show me how to conduct myself with grace…sometimes with that person sitting at the same table as me. It has been interesting to exercise my understanding of grace in such a real, almost difficult, way, but I take heart in knowing that God is strengthening my faith, strengthening my ability to be gracious, and molding my character. But you are so right. Sometimes it does induce some pain, doesn’t it? Take heart, dear. You are not alone in this struggle. I will say prayers for you in the same breath that I am saying prayers for me!
Thanks, Mrs. Solsvik. (I just can’t call you by your first name!) I hate situations like this. They just stink. I will pray for you, too!
Uh, what? I think we need to have a little email talk!