Gentle Reader,
“A pastor should never complain about [their] congregation, certainly never to other people, but also not to God. A congregation has not been entrusted to [them] in order that [they] should become its accuser before God and [humans].”
– Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together
This quote is coming to mind a lot lately.
Life Together was one of the first books I read in seminary, which I was happy to do because Bonhoeffer has been a hero of mine for over twenty-five years. It’s a slim volume that packs a punch. If you haven’t read it, I recommend you do. Bonhoeffer explores what is means to be in Christian community. This is a distinctly different from communities organized around other principles or passions, like bowling or politics. He writes
A Christian fellowship lives and exists by the intercession of its members for one another, or it collapses. I can no longer condemn or hate a brother for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble he causes me. His face, that hitherto may have been strange and intolerable to me, is transformed in intercession into the countenance of a brother for whom Christ died, the face of a forgiven sinner.
Christian community – the Church – is centered on, led by, and orbits around Christ. However else the Church may express herself in her beautiful variety – liturgical or free style, boisterous or quiet, in urban settings or situated in isolation – the Church belongs to Christ. Every person who gathers for corporate worship on a Sunday, or for a mid-week Bible study, or cleans the toilets, or preaches the sermon – every last one is beloved of God.
No substitutions, exchanges, or refunds.
And my word is that a difficult reality to embrace when some of those beloved people annoy you. Or worse, hurt you deeply.
They didn’t love you. God loves them. Two things true at once.
I’m a big fan of boundaries. Having made massive relational mistakes in the past (i.e., having been a doormat), I believe that boundaries, prayerfully considered, are an expression of wisdom. You can’t have a healthy relationship with a person if that person doesn’t want to honestly deal with whatever the issue is. It’s impossible.
But boundaries aren’t license to complain about others. To dwell on offenses. To pick at wounds so that they never heal.
Yeah, I know. This is hard. Trust me. I get it.
I don’t think there’s a standard timeline for healing. The point is to keep moving forward, keep giving the thing to God. (And going to counseling and taking medication, if necessary). Moving forward looks different for each of us. Some days are leaps and bounds days. Others are centimeters days. Each is fine. God is merciful, kind, and truthful in all of it.
So no, I’m not saying you’ve got to go be best friends with the person who hurt you. I don’t think that’s always or even often the right, wise decision. But what if – just what if – moving forward involves not complaining about that person? What if it involves praying for them? Can we trust that God is merciful, kind, and truthful in directing us in this way?
Even a simple, “Lord, Your will be done for (insert name here).”
I suspect that eventually, that might be pretty freeing to do.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Whether you’re gathering with family or friends, or headed off to work, maybe just take a moment, a breath. Ask God to give you eyes to see those around you the way that God sees them. Ask God to give you eyes to see yourself the way that God sees you. Together, may we choose to look at life through the lens of holy love. It is through that lens that we see most clearly.
I am grateful for you, dear reader. May God bless you.
GRACE AND PEACE ALONG THE WAY,
MARIE
Image Courtesy of Justin Lubke