Gentle Reader,
When did life get so heckin’ busy?
It’s weird, though. I am so very tired, and yet I have this bubbling energy. Perhaps a new facet of this thing called “joy.” Definitely need a nap or five. Wouldn’t turn down a day at the spa, complete with full-body massage. But I want to go and do and see. Have some adventures.
That’s why I get mad at my body. It consistently lags behind my spirit. Recently I decided that I’d like to climb a mountain, but these bones and muscles are all, “Yeah, how about no?” Annoying. But I’m gonna do it someday. Just you wait and see.
In the midst of all the busyness, I really have missed my writing people the last two weeks. You all speak grace, life and love into my soul. You are the Jesus-kids, the God-folks, the Spirit-poets.
Kate says: reward.
Go.
I can’t see for crap in the dark. Not that I see that well when it’s light; depth perception is not something I’m known for. Hashtag running into things and hashtag always a bruise somewhere. That’s why I suck at sports. Oh, I’ll play, and I’ll have fun, but I’m not going to score the winning goal or anything.
I’m also easily frightened. I’ve seen a grand total of two horror movies in my life, and don’t plan to see any others. Once made the mistake of watching a documentary about Jack the Ripper one night, all alone, because history is great, and I couldn’t even finish it. Give me comedy, always, or give me drama, but nothing scary, please.
So when I got invited to a young friend’s birthday party yesterday, and found out that she wanted to play a game inspired by the movie The Quiet Place, inside the pitch-black church…I was the opposite of into that. But this friend is awesome, and I love her so much, so I accessed what little bit of courage I have and joined in.
As the lights went out and I went to station myself in the sound booth, the first thing I did was smack into a wall. Much grace. Such style.
The game progressed. At one point I made my way cautiously down the very not-up-any-building-code-ever stairs. Because some new people in my life have discovered that it’s easy to make me jump, and this is funny to them, I about fainted when I came around a corner and encountered one of the “monsters,” who walked away chuckling. A bit later, this same monster made a noise and hit me with a pool noodle, which resulted in me gasping and kicking, and my ankle connected with a table that was inconveniently placed.
Honestly, it was pretty funny – once the shock and the “I’m going to die!” passed.
And so I’m full of warm, fuzzy feelings today. Relationships – they are the reward. Possessions, they don’t matter. I’m not going to look back and think, “I’m so glad I bought ______.” I will, however, always remember fondly the night I played a silly game with some teens and a few adults who consistently behave like teens. (We do have our serious, mature, adult-y moments). I will always be glad to have spent those hours eating cake, laughing, conspiring with my soul mate and wrapping my arms around the birthday girl.
That’s a shift for me. Not the understanding that people are what counts. But desiring to fully invest in new relationships. Insecure, shy, timid – those have all been words for me in the past. I’m working out what it looks like to break through those self-imposed barriers and be a woman who embraces life. Because I just want to love. And love is bold.
Stop.
Of course that was longer than five minutes, but everyone in this group constantly breaks that rule. Sorry, Kate!
I’m sure with you about not liking to be startled. Startling me is kind of dangerous for whoever done it. And for me, movies are things like Shrek, and anything with Hugh Grant.
As for people, well…
My days go by in solitude
except for dogs and wife,
and she doesn’t much intrude;
she’s got a busy life.
There are times I might yearn
for a companion or a friend,
someone from whom I might learn
about how to face my end.
I make it up, day by days,
walking a narrow balance-beam
that spans a chasm and sways;
the abyss that chokes my scream.
It’s a very lonely place to be,
but the ache is banished by bended knee.
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First, I am sorry that I am continually the worst at responding quickly to comments. I have been allowing busyness to get in the way. But, I needed to read your poem again today. I believe that Jesus is the friend leading you into a good end. He is always there. Always with you. Wish I could be there, too, but know that you have my prayers – always.
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Oh, friend… I’m with you! I no longer battle fear but I am SO NOT A FAN of being scared. I don’t need any outside ‘help’… my imagination is powerful enough if I let it rule over me! (And when did life get so ‘heckin’ busy’? 1. LOL… and 2. Youth Ministry!) 😉 Love you!
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I’ve decided that I want to be one of the monsters next time. And I’m going to go out of my way to make the other monsters pay… 🙂
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She raises her hand, guilty as charged with going a wee bit over the five minute limit…;). You’ve seen more horror movies than I have! I, too, am clumsy. And investing in relationships? Not easy. Your story gives me courage!
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Anita, I would never have thought that relationships are difficult for you, given the work that you do. I admire your willingness to put yourself out there and make those connections!
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