Gentle Reader,
Tonight we spoke of eating our feelings, throwing things and longing for new bodies. We prayed for hurting doggies, discussed my upcoming book “Things That Make Me Cranky and the Food the Makes It Better,” shared Blacklist jokes (yes, that show comes up fairly consistently in conversation) and enjoyed the deep sort of soul-sigh that comes with being in the company of family.
Connected across the miles and denominations and food preferences.
Kate and the gang. We: follow.
Go.
Today was tough. Some stuff was said by some people, which pushed the ever-shortening fuse of my temper closer to the dynamite. I got quiet. (Nobody seems to realize that lack of speech is a warning sign. I might not be the most verbose of persons, but if I’m completely tight-lipped there’s a good chance it’s for the safety of others). I tried to keep my head down and just get through.
But really I wanted to cry.
I hate that. Emotions are so awful.
Of course, they aren’t really awful. They are God-given. I know that. As a person who is very much wired for the head-space and not the heart-space, however, emotions are difficult to handle. Often I don’t know what I’m feeling until the moment has passed. Sometimes it’s hours later.
I felt embarrassed. Publicly humiliated.
So I ate my feelings and put on my sweatpants and chatted with my lovely Twitter friends. All the while, I hear the Spirit speaking into my heart, “Follow Me.”
Why does He say this? I know without having to think. Because my reaction to those feelings was not good. My face was a blank mask (at least I hope it was), but my insides were ugly. I was throwing things. Name-calling. Screaming.
And following Him, while it means not that I ignore the hurt or gloss over the wrong, does involve letting that screaming, cussing, termagant die. It involves killing her. It looks like taking all that pain and frustration and dumping it at His feet. Asking Him to sort through my emotions and help me to feel them in a way that does not bind me tight.
Following Him means releasing the desire to whip around, look at those people and drop a list of their wrongs, failures and short-comings on their laps. It means not retaliating.
Following Him is hard.
So very hard.
Stop.
Yea…ummm… sigh…. Marie, I totally understand where you are coming from. This scripture keeps popping up in my life and I wanna share it with you, Psalm 94:18-19 “When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” NIV Sending love and prayers my friend
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I have vs. 19 written up on a notecard and taped to my bathroom mirror! God must want us to know something. 🙂 Love to you, too, dear one.
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Amen to the hard and a big “yes” to the community who gathers around and makes it all better. I love that God is the center of the community that is surrounded by talk of food, favorite TV shows and life. Praying that tomorrow dawns with peace and carries you through the day.
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I echo your “yes!” You ladies mean so much to me. 🙂
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Oh Marie, I totally get that frustration and taking it to food instead of to our Maker because I’ve been doing that this week too. (Even though I’m writing a book on overcoming food addiction, I still slip into old habits of running to food instead of the Bread of Life. Oy vey.) So grateful for His patience and His loving-kindness that gently leads us to repentance. I’ll be praying for you and me both as we learn to take our emotions to Him first.
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While I do believe that God made food so tasty as a way of blessing and soothing us, you’re very right that it’s important for us to take our feelings and thoughts to Him first and foremost. I, too, am so thankful that He draws us to Himself with cords of love!
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Oh Marie following Jesus is oh so very hard. Yet we are human and experience human emotions. God does call us to put the ugly stuff at his feet; at the foot of the cross. Somedays though Ice cream, chocolate, Arby’s or whatever seems to be the answer though!
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I like the idea of sitting at His feet with some chocolate, pouring out my sob story. 🙂
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It sure ain’t easy…but oh so worthwhile, to sometimes stop and look back at the posturing nitwits we were…well, I sure was…before making a commitment to Walk on the Wild Side with Big Daddy, The Kid, and The Spook.
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You’re right, Andrew. It is worthwhile.
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I love you and all of your feelings… and all of your honesty here, friend! Praying for you! Tomorrow is Friday… so there is that! 😉
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Fridays are awesome because there is no work. 🙂
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Praying that He will release an extra dose of super-powered grace to overcome. You are an overcomer. 🙂 He knows us better than we know ourselves, so I know He will make it right for you. You’re His daughter, after all. Blessings, Tasha
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Thank you, Tasha!
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Oh, Marie. Thank you for your transparency. Following Him IS H-A-R-D. There’s no way around it. It seems like Jesus brings us to the point of our weakness, even lets us fail. And then He draws us close to minister to us in those areas of failing. He sets us back on our feet with added strength to follow Him a little better from that point on. At least that is what I see Him do in me. Your post resonates tonight!
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Amen.
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I think there is something beautiful and right and good about the fact that when we are in the midst of a firestorm of emotion, finding comfort in other things (chocolate), and tamping down our feelings, we STILL hear His voice. That He can break through all the noise and call us to Himself – out of love, and grace, and so we can lay it all down. That is power and that is our God. He never ceases to amaze me … neither do your amazing words. Blessings, FMF friend.
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That is our God for sure!
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I sooooo understand the struggle of being wired more for head-space than heart-space. I also understand eating those feelings hope they will just go away. But when we take them to Him instead there is so much peace and comfort that comes (and without the calories).
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True. Although I don’t think He minds us indulging in a few extra calories from time to time as we sit at His feet. 🙂
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Oh dear blogging friend, I can relate. I get that tight-lipped feeling too. I am not confrontational usually. But staying silent for so long seems to have it’s limits. It’s easier to spout off something that would be hurtful back. I don’t always feel like I want to control my emotions. Like when someone says something hurtful about our having six children. Thank you for the reminder that following Him does not mean retaliating. I needed to be reminded of that after also hearing recent hurtful words. Blessings, Carrie
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Ugh, I’m so sorry that you’re in this place too, Carrie. I hope you are comforted in our Lord today!
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Marie,
Thank you so much for writing this vulnerable and bold post and sharing it with Five Minute Friday chics. I loved the line: “Asking Him to sort through my emotions and help me to feel them in a way that does not bind me tight,” so good! I was really challenged and encouraged by your post. I really enjoy visiting your blog.
-Beverly Benitez (www.beverlybenitez.com)
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I’m so glad you got something out of this post, Beverly. Thank you for your kind words!
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I’ve been here more often than not lately, allowing my emotions to rule my behavior and eating my feelings. Thank you for sharing. I need to keep my eyes on Jesus!
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I’m with you, Barbie. A little less chocolate and a lot more Jesus. 🙂
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Marie, things, The Master tells us to do are HARD. I so agree with you. Today is Monday and I finally have the opportunity to read some of the FMF posts from Friday. I’m glad I chose yours – because today is a very HARD Monday.
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I’m so sorry your day is hard. Remember, dear one: You are not alone in the hard. The Lord is with You.
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