I took a walk with my dog this evening, taking in the cool breeze of early autumn. I’ve been feeling dizzy and nauseated since coming off all the meds, and I know that it will get worse before it gets better. But no mind. I am making an effort to turn over a new leaf and try to focus on the good things.
Today was really a pretty nice day, despite my washer leaking water all over. Chris ended up taking the afternoon off to fix it, and it turned out to be an easy thing. So we got to spend some time together, even though all we did was grocery shop and look for a new hose for the washer. My head was pounding fiercely, but I really enjoyed being with him. It’s easy to forget the things that make you love someone in the first place.
With all the changes that have flowed into my life recently, I think I am learning (slowly) to appreciate the people in my life. We never have authority to hold on to anyone. A person is never property, and they never behave or think the way that is most convenient for us. Yet, they are worth it. Yes, sometimes you have to know when to walk away. That’s never easy. But at the end of the day, it’s the relationships that matter.
I want to make a commitment to invest in the right things. The dark thoughts that consumed my mind during the highest dosage of the steroids scared me. I don’t know if they were just side effects of the drugs or something deeper – I’m not sure I want to find out yet. At any rate, I want to take the time to focus on God and people. That’s all that matters.
All these things flowed through my mind along with the breeze tonight. I felt kissed by the Creator, wrapped up in a gentle wave of hope.