Gentle Reader,
June in North Idaho is a strange month. Monday the temperature reached into the upper 80s. Today it’s been clouds and rain.
Kate says: question.
Go.
“You want to be a pastor?”
Want might be too strong a word. I identify strongly with the prophets Jeremiah and Ezekiel, neither of whom were initially thrilled to receive the call. In fact, I just finished reading Ezekiel recently, and this verse had me laughing aloud:
The Spirit lifted me up and took me away. I left in bitterness and in an angry spirit, and the LORD’s hand was on me powerfully.
– 3:14 (CSB)
Commentators are split as to whether his anger and bitterness was in response to the sins of his people or in response to being commissioned to do a thankless job. I suspect it was probably a bit of both. When God, in His kindness, confronts us with our sin, we rightly feel a rush of emotion. When God, in His wisdom (and honestly, sometimes with His sense of humor), guides us toward the path He wants us to travel, we wrongly get mad and stubborn.
At least I have.
I don’t like getting up in front of people and talking. A lip sync battle, sure, because that’s funny. A part in a play, fine, because that’s not me; it’s a character. Just myself, Marie, behind a music stand, daring to declare that God has given me something to say…wow. That’s a lot.
But like I said, God has a sense of humor. I think He gets a kick out of using unexpected people in unexpected ways, because it brings Him glory and creates goodness in our lives.
Do I want to be a pastor? Truthfully, I’m not quite there in the wanting department. Still a lot of fear to overcome. The better question is this: Do I have to be a pastor? Yes, I really do. Absolutely no idea what that’s going to wind up looking like. All I know for right now is that I’m meant to keep showing up for our youth and I’m supposed to go to seminary. (Yeah, I just signed away at least four years of my life).
The real question, the one that circles ’round and ’round my mind, the one spoken in the quiet yet authoritative voice of the Holy Spirit: “Will you obey Me?”
Even though I don’t know where this path is going.
Even though it scares me to the point of tears.
Yes. I’ll obey. Not because I’m awesome, but because my God is. Because when I stand up there, longing for nothing more than to run away or to disappear, a greater longing overtakes me. I want these precious and wild young people to know just how deeply they are loved. I want them to understand the glorious Gospel that sets them free. I want them to meet Jesus. I want them to grow in relationship with Him. I want to see them grab hold of transcendent truth, to be enraptured with their Creator – and then to go out and set the world ablaze as they live in grace.
Stop.
Side note: Super weird to have people start referring to me as “Pastor Marie.” Pretty sure I’m not ever going to get used to that.
Congratulations on your decision to attend seminary. If God calls, He will provide. I am a retired pastors wife and while I’ve ministered the children and women all this time. God is calling me out to speak at other churches outside my local church. Scary but also exciting.
May God bless you.
Did i see on Twitter that you are going to NTS? We’re also Nazarenes.
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I am going to NTS – hello, fellow Nazarene! Woo woo!
That’s exciting that you’re being called out to speak to others! I definitely get feeling scared about it, though. Keep walking in obedience to Him and you won’t go wrong. You’ve got my prayers!
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Thank you and you have my prayers. Are you moving to KC or do they offer online studies?
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It’s an online program. I have to go to KC a few times throughout, but that’s it. 🙂
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Sounds good. Where do you live? Do you have a family?
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I’m up in North Idaho with my husband, a neurotic wiener dog, and about 30 teens (I work with our youth), plus 6 goddaughters. 🙂
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Wonderful. We’re in Savannah GA. My husband has family in Twin Falls, Idaho but we’ve never been out there.
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Pastor Marie, better get used to it because it’s a “no brainer” given the gifts the Lord has blessed you with and expects you to put them to good use! Uncle John and I are thrilled! We wish you all the best as you pursue this most worthy goal in your life!
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Thank you so much, Aunt Lenore! Love you!
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I don’t know. If you have hesitations, there are probably reasons for that. I’m not trying to be a downer, but at the same time, women as pastors… I have strong hesitations depending on how they do ministry. And if you have hesitations yourself, perhaps there’s a reason for that. Proceed cautiously.
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I appreciate you sharing your concern with me. Any hesitation on my part has nothing to do with what I believe women’s roles to be, and everything to do with fear of stepping into how God has made me and what He has called me to. As I said, I really have no clue where this will end up. My task right now is to move forward one step at a time, going as His light illuminates the road before me. Really, that’s all any of us can do. 🙂
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Well, at least your last name isn’t ‘Prime’…”Pastor Prime”…geddit?
They said I should have been monastic,
that I had the brothers’ way,
and yes, the thought left me ecstatic,
that I could get paid to pray!
Yes, there were some other duties,
and some work with various nuns,
who, while not raving beauties
did have quite a sense of fun.
Alas, though, ’twas not to be,
life in the shadow of a steeple;
I was cut more military,
kickin’ ass and shootin’ people.
Still, it led to something good,
a different kind of brotherhood.
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Hahaha! You’re funny.
Strangely your life path has wound up leading you to a quieter existence. And you bless so many through that – your beloved wife, me, everyone who reads your blog, the many doggos. We are all so grateful for you!
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Will you obey? One of the most probing but needful questions each of us can ask. No matter what He has called us to do. All the best on your next path of faith.
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Thank you. 🙂
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Marie, Community is such a sacred design-even if it’s online. We are blessed by seeing God’s hand constantly at work. Your story reminds me a bit of my own. In high school, I filled out a career inventory that indicated “pastor” was a possible option. I thought it was so funny-I was very shy, not yet a follower of Jesus, and I knew no pastors that were women. Flash forward 20 years later, when, unexpectedly, God lead me in that direction. You can’t argue with what God confirms. So excited to watch your story continue to unfold.
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