Gentle Reader,
Look up the word “crabby” in the dictionary. See my picture. Send me chocolate.
Kate says: repeat.
Go.
I’m working on a second novel. (Yeah, I wrote a first novel. And never advertised it. Because I’m really bad at promoting things. But you can buy it if you want). “Working” may not be the right word, because I haven’t touched it since February. This year has been creatively difficult; there’s a nasty voice inside my head that likes to tell me how much I suck and that I shouldn’t even bother trying to write. It’s been quite loud for months. So the file has lain dormant in my laptop, a symbol of the struggle that I have been losing.
Today I decided I would get back to it. I would ignore the voice. I would push past all the doubt. Clicked on the Scrivener icon. Waited for the project to load. The first chapter appeared on the screen. I read it. Made a change here, a tweak there. Really, it was pretty good. I thought, Well that’s nice. I’ll keep going.
Something seemed off, though. Four chapters sat in the sidebar. I was sure there were more. There was a scene that I distinctly remembered but couldn’t find anywhere.
More clicking and searching led to the recovery of two more completed chapters and several that had been outlined. But the fifth chapter? It’s gone.
Gone.
Cue the urge to throw my laptop across the room.
I searched the backup files. Dug out my external hard drive and opened every existing file. It’s nowhere.
Whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy.
So I get to repeat. Get to go back and do the work again. Maybe that’s okay. Not ideal. Not progression. But okay. Write it once more, Perhaps new ideas will flow. There’s a chance I could have a whole book written here soon.
Even if not, at least I’m writing.
And at least it’s Autumn, whose weather always makes me want to snuggle under a blanket, hot beverage by my side, as I spin a story.
Stop.
“Creatively difficult” very great way to say that… I call it for me in my Blog – Blogjammed… 😉 Praying you have brilliance at your fingertips to re-craft chapter 5! Blessings from FMF blog #3.
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“Blogjammed” is a great word! Sums up the problem quite nicely. Thanks for stopping by!
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Yuck! That is a horrible feeling. I can relate.
Years ago I wrote a computer programme to analyze the inelastic (and nonlinear) behaviour of reinforced concrete pilings under seismic load. It was a pretty complicated process, involving the modeling of pseudo-negative bending stiffness and other fun things.
One day I had my wisdom teeth out (all four, at once, by a dentist who happened to be an LDS bishop)…and being an idiot, went to take the ground portion of my scheduled biennial flight review. The check pilot was smart enough not to want to fly with a bloke who had blood running out of his mouth, so I went home to work on the programme.
And promptly lost all but fifty of 5000 lines of code. There was no backup.
But I did have codeine!
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No! Ugh. I cringe reading that story. Technology is just the worst sometimes.
But again, you had codeine. That definitely lessens the pain.
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So frustrating that you lost that chapter! But proud of you that you are silencing that inner voice and going for it. You, my friend, are an incredible writer. And I’m not just saying that. You have a way of beautifully weaving words together. And I love curling up with a hot beverage, snuggled under a blanket, crafting words together too.
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Thank you, Tara. Your encouragement means a lot to me.
Battening down the hatches in preparation for the winter that will soon hit. Hard to believe we’ll both be blanketed in snow soon!
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I hope you find the will to continue, to repeat if you need chapter five,
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I do need that chapter. The story makes zero sense jumping from four to six. It’s hidden in my brain somewhere. 🙂
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Congrats on picking up the writing again – and so glad that you were affirmed (“Really it was pretty good.”) when you did open it back up again. Peace FMF15
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We are, as they say, our own worst critics. I am way, way harder on myself than I would ever be on anyone else. Sometimes, when you want to be a Barnabas to others, as I do, you spend so much time seeking to speak encouragement to others but you forget to apply those words to your own life. Working on that.
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Your book looks REALLY good! Keep writing! I’m so sorry you lost some of it! I have been trying to finish my first book but feel “stuck” after chapter 5. I know God has an ending, but the words aren’t coming. I will continue to wait!
Love, Traci
http://www.tracimichele.com
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Thank you, Traci!
Do keep writing. It’s hard, it’s messy, it’s complicated – but your voice matters. You alone can sing that particular song of praise to our King.
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Well done on persevering despite the voice telling you to quit! I have that voice in my head a lot too. And I laughed at your first sentence about your picture being in the dictionary beside the word “crabby”. I think yesterday my picture was right there beside you! (Today has been a little better.)
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That voice is dumb. We should duct tape the mouth shut.
So glad your day has been better! Mine, too. Amazing what a night of sleep can do. 🙂
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Gah! Technology is the WORST sometimes! Good for you to be able to restrain yourself from using your laptop as a wrecking ball, and instead, using that energy to write more productively. Good luck!
miccah
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Oh, me and technology, we have a history. It’s a difficult relationship. I did throw a mouse (electronic, not organic) on the ground once. Made me feel better for a second, but then the mouse was broken and there was just really no point.
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I imagine myself runing around in your head stomping on the negative voice. DON’T pay any attention to it! You are a writer. You can do this (even if Scrivener has different plans).
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Thank you, Anita. Your consistent encouragement has meant a lot to me these last few months. ❤
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Yes! Gag that voice! So sorry about that lost chapter….I feel there’s a story wishing a story there! Keep writing! I agree whole heartedly with Tara: You. Write. Beautifully!
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Story **within** a story!
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You and me – we’re in this thing together! 🙂
Side note: Have you got a blog set up? I can’t seem to find you. But I’m also tired and my brain is not firing on all cylinders.
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