The Detox Diaries: Stupid Dumbface

Gentle Reader,

First things first.

It’s my 8th wedding anniversary today! Woot woot! Let me tell you, God gets all the glory here. Chris and I have gone through some tough times. It’s not all puppies and roses today, but we’ve come so far. Every bit of that is due to the fact that Jesus hasn’t given up on either of us. On the days when quitting seems like an option, He reminds both of us of our vows. He reminds both of us of our love. When that isn’t enough, He lets us throw a big temper tantrum or cry in frustration until we can see the good again.

We celebrated this past weekend with a fantastic home-cooked meal (prepared by Chris; I’m spoiled) and the movie “God’s Not Dead.” There were absolutely some cheese-tastic moments (like, every scene Cassidy Gifford was in), but I really enjoyed it. Tonight he’s at the shelter loving on some little ones and I’m dealing with doggy resentment because they stank to high Heaven and thus suffered the indignity of bath time.

I’m the worst dog mom ever.

I’m also in the throes of a nasty headache, thankfully in the waning moment currently. But that leads me to the title of this piece.

The alarm went off this morning and I was so mad that I had to go to work. Since I’m not supposed to take painkillers, I’m trying really hard to tough this headache out. Slept with a large bag of ice on my head, but that didn’t take away those awful sore, knobby spots across the top. So I couldn’t put my hair up, which is what I usually do when I don’t feel good, so I had to actually style my hair, which was dumb. And it’s raining, so the hair is frizzy. (See the above picture for a point of reference).

Then staring at a computer screen. For 8 hours. Under fluorescent lights.

I mean, come on.

Knowing that I was probably going to bite someone’s head off, I tried to keep speech to a minimum, but I’m guessing my utter lack of patience and caring screamed loudly through my body language. Don’t mess with me. In fact, don’t even talk to me. Just pretend that I’m not even here.

Every noise was like the sound of a burly man pounding on a timpani. Every question was stupid. I tried to listen to the Bible because Max McLean has an awesome voice and Scripture is always comforting, but Ezekiel is just to wild and freaky when you’ve got a migraine. Music was an equally bad idea. But I kept my earbuds in place, hoping that would deter any would-be chatterers.

Please don’t take that the wrong way. The vast majority of the time, I like my coworkers. Just not today. And that wasn’t their fault.

By the time I drove home, I was so tired and frustrated that I went into what my family calls “commute mode.” Not exactly road rage, but more than aggressive driving. Some guy in an annoying little blue car had the nerve to cut me off, so I tailgated him. Perfectly normal. I even came within a hairsbreadth of flipping him off, although I’m never entirely sure which finger is the “bad” one. Thankfully, the Spirit reminded me to breathe and I prayed for the guy in the annoying blue car. It went something like this:

“God, please bless him. Not because I want You to, because I think he’s a twerp. But bless him because You bless me when I’m being an idiot, like he’s being right now. Like I’m being right now. Okay, okay. Bless this guy in this annoying blue car because You’re good and holy and true. You are a good God. You give us what we don’t deserve.”

The guy in the annoying blue car sped away and took some of my anger with him.

I had to pause writing this a minute ago when the doorbell rang and someone from Scott’s Lawn Service informed me that I’ve got Japanese Clover in my front lawn. How annoying. Why are you bugging me? Then she commented that it’s quite wet out and she’s got to work until 8 p.m. The poor woman is stuck walking door-to-door in the rain for another hour. I took her flyer. She took some of my anger with her.

Today was a day of stupid dumbfaces, but maybe I was the worst offender of all. I could have simply told my coworkers that my head hurt. I could have taken my stress to the Lord immediately, instead of letting it build up all day. I certainly didn’t have to tailgate and the people who ring my doorbell are just trying to earn a paycheck so they can feed their families. Nobody actually did anything to me today. It’s not a crime to breathe.

This is the second low-serotonin headache I’ve had since beginning the withdrawal process. It’s different from any I’ve experienced before. I’ve had headaches that last for days, even weeks, behind my eyes for years. I can handle that. I’ve had a few migraines that knocked me out. But this? This is sharp, needle-like pain, poking into the deep recesses of my brain. It makes me restless and extremely short-tempered.

C’mon, body. Let’s be done with this now.

To read all the posts in The Detox Diaries series, go here.