Done

Gentle Reader,

God clearly orchestrates some moments in our lives, right down to the last detail, and those moments always reveal something important.

Yesterday, out of nowhere, an extremely bad attitude flared up in me. You know the kind. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be here. It’s not fair. Inwardly I was throwing a gigantic tantrum, complete with screaming and foot-stomping. Chalk it up to a long few days or the knowledge that a week’s vacation was just around the corner if you want, but it was ugly. I might as well have been sitting there with my lower lip jutted out and my arms across my chest.

That attitude vaporized a couple of hours later. I can’t give you any details, but it became very clear to me that, if I had gotten my way, I would not have noticed something that I very much needed to notice. I would not have received the check on my heart, the huge flashing stop-sign, that I desperately needed to receive.

And I would not have learned that bravery sometimes says, “I’m done.”

There are some things in life that are too twisted for color TV, as Miss Ouiser says in Steel Magnolias. There are some things that just can’t be figured out. That’s a hard thing to accept for someone like me, whose favorite question has always been, “Why?”

But sometimes you just have to let go. You just can’t pursue it anymore.

Grace and peace along the way.