You Can Trust God

Trust in the Lord with all your (9)

Gentle Reader,

I had a different post in mind for today, something about basic logic and the insanity of our world. These words may yet come at a later time, but right now I simply don’t have the energy or the brain power for them. As the meme says, “I can’t brain today. I has the dumb.”

Truth is, I feel pretty awful. Chris and I went out to celebrate our anniversary on Saturday, which was cut short by my sudden desire to either faint or vomit. Both seemed like viable options. (As of today, I have done neither and I really wish I would. I think I’d feel better). My liver or at least the space around my liver is swollen and painful. Can’t really eat. There’s pressure behind my eyes; not quite a headache but enough to be irritating. Yesterday afternoon I fell asleep on the couch and didn’t realize it. Didn’t even hear my husband moving around or the dogs barking, which is unheard of for a light sleeper like me.

I don’t know what’s going on. Since I had a CT scan to check on all this stuff last Friday morning, I’m hoping that the timing of that test and this attack/flare-up/whatever has been orchestrated by God so that my doctor can easily diagnose and treat the problem. I’ll be seeing him on Wednesday.

So, instead of some sarcasm, I give you this:

You can trust God.

You can.

It would be easy for me to stop trusting God. It would be easy for me to become furious with Him. Why won’t He heal me? Why won’t He release me from this? Why do I have to suffer? All legitimate questions, really. All questions that I suspect each one of us will have to wrestle with before shedding these tents of flesh.

I don’t know the answers to those questions. Well, I know about things like the effects of sin. I know how genetic mutations arise and how they are never a good thing (so much for naturalistic evolution). What I don’t know is why this is happening to me. I don’t know why this has been allowed or why it’s part of the plan.

But I do know that I can trust God. It’s the hard choice. Sometimes excruciatingly hard. Yet when I want to let go of the cliff-face and drop into the sea of despair below, the beauty of His dear face above arrests me. His voice urges me on. His hand grips mine, no matter my weakness. He grants me eyes to see something good, something eternal, in the midst of the battering storm.

When the tsunami comes, He covers my body with His.

When the winds howl, He pulls the hood tight over my head.

When the pain stabs at my side, He holds me close.

He has not abandoned me. He never will.

Be encouraged today. Whatever you face, however bleak it seems, you can trust God.

My journey to faith. (15)

Five Minute Friday: World

Along the Way@ mlsgregg.com (3)

Gentle Reader,

Didn’t really get to connect with my fellow writers this evening. Little things got in the way, like stopping by the store for milk and getting distracted by all the pretty ice cream.

It’s that time again. Kate. The sisters and brothers. Connecting across the miles and through the internet to write about: world.

Go.

It’s getting to me this week.

The world.

And all the junk in it.

I know to expect a dip in my mood with the first blast of summer’s cruelty. Though born in August, I despise this season. As I tweeted the other day, saying that you like the heat is basically saying you like being sweaty and lethargic. I don’t understand that at all. People that willingly live in the desert have to be a little touched in the head.

Already prone to scowl, I began to dwell on some things. Broken relationships. An upcoming CT scan to check on my sad, dysfunctional liver. (Seems like that road will never end). The cancer that’s eating away at my grandfather.

Crabby, thy face is mine.

Sunday was unpleasant.

Monday, out of nowhere, I had a desire to read the book of Ezra. I knew it was a prompting of the Spirit because…well, it was urgent. A deep, aching hunger. For Ezra? Sure, I’ve read it before, but nothing was sticking out in my mind. Why on earth would I be moved to read about the ancient priest and his people? What words did God have for me there?

If I listed everything I learned from just three chapters, this post would far exceed the five minute mark.

The people in exile return to the ruin of their home, the once-great city of Jerusalem. They take back with them all the precious items Nebuchadnezzer had stolen. The pagan community around them practically throws valuable items at them. They have no idea where to start, how to proceed. But they go.

The Nethinim. The Temple workers, who labored behind the scenes. The men who did the grunt work. Out of the spotlight, beyond the glory.

Chapter Three, verse three:

Though fear had come upon them because of the people of those countries, they set the altar on its bases; and they offered burnt offerings on it to the Lord, both the morning and evening burnt offerings. (NKJV)

They did what the knew was right, despite their fear.

I was reminded: I cannot take my eyes off of the Lord. Not for a moment. Not for a fraction of a moment. I will be swallowed up by woe and worry, rack and ruin if I dare. Yes, I face ongoing health problems. Yes, my grandfather is in his final days. Yes, there are troublesome people and issues.

None of that is bigger than God.

And so this, the cry of my heart:

Stop.

My journey to faith. (15)

Musing for a Monday

Along the Way @ mlsgregg.com (2)

Gentle Reader,

A Contemplation in the Valley

“Just a closer walk with Thee,”
Is how the lyric goes
Yet I often wonder, Lord,
Why more ebbs than flows?

Mountain peaks and sun so bright
Last but a moment – then
Here comes another valley,
Racing ’round the bend

I do not understand
Why I must battle long
When others raise a toast, a harp,
And sing the joyous song

Could you not, Lord, teach me
In a field of ease?
Could I not be molded
Without this tug and tease?

Must my hair be knotted?
Must my face be stained?
Must I trudge through swamps
Made the worse with rain?

Must my hands be bloody?
Must my skin be bruised?
Must my clothes be tattered?
My aching joints abused?

The storm, it swirls around me,
The Enemy laughs with glee,
This war that I am waging –
I think You alone do see

And so if that be true, Lord,
Mind this beating that I take,
For if this is Your plan,
On this my life I stake:

I know not why the valley
Is my home down here
But I trust that You, O God,
Ever-hold me near

I trust that I don’t travel
This broken path alone
I trust that You are with me
No matter winds that moan

I trust that in this moment
With fight so fierce and pitched
You give me strength for every step
And all my wounds do stitch

I trust that somehow, God,
Made of one and three,
That this – You have ordained
For a closer walk with Thee

My journey to faith. (15)